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Last Facts for Vin Diesel The last Facts for Chuck Norris Red Flags Marokkaanse Sollicitatie Socrates 666: The Number Of The Beast Quotes from the first three seasons of "House M.D." Een nieuw hoofdstuk van het Casema feuilleton "Kom," dacht ik "We nemen weer Casema" Bericht van de helpdesk Helpdesk Rules Beatles Classy Insults 46 Laws of Anime Gay Marriage Top 25 Programmer Explanations Dieting Rules for Women Words of Wisdom Brand Naming Pitfalls What Happens to your body if you stop smoking right now? A word from Australia Pwnd! Things that took me 41 years to learn Think before you speak Cojones Things said in court Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" Words That Changed You Talking about Mensa Shay Vacature Prison Or Work Gender Wars Pilot Checklist Verzekeringscitaten Famous Dog Quotes Daniel writes What Men Really Mean Is...... Handige Weetjes Voor Vrouwen The Guys Rules Sun Tzu - The art of war 20 things that never happen in Star Trek Sex facts The very secret diaries of the Fellowship I like monkeys Bestaat de Kerstman echt? The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord Top 100 Facts for Chuck Norris More Facts for Chuck Norris You know You Grew Up In The 80's If... Top 30 Facts for Vin Diesel Top 30 Facts for Mr. T You Know You're Getting Old When... Just When You Think You Have It Bad, It Gets Worse... Lame Pick Up Lines Replies to pickup lines You Know You're Too Stressed If... Differences Between College And High School Things That Change After College Before Getting Married It's Wonderful To Be A Woman It's Wonderful To Be A Man The Differences Between Men And Women Great Moments in Physics Einstein's Chauffer Astute Visionaries The best from Bash.org The best from Bash.org part II The best from Bash.org part III The best from Bash.org part IV The best from Bash.org part V The best from Bash.org part VI Letter from John Cleese I love my job Why people with a PC and an attitude but no brains should be shot Why to get your act straight before you get mad Why some people should learn to read and process what they just read How stupid can a user be? Miscellaneous Stories

Excerpts from Bash.org Part II

source: Bash.org

<Reverend>
IRC is just multiplayer notepad.

<LordChewy>
so my dad found my porn folder
<LordChewy>
and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy>
so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy>
"i know dad"
<LordChewy>
"what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy>
at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy>
and he just shut up
<kingKahn>
what is it?
<LordChewy>
its his porn folder

SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>
ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
<hunney>
I am spartacus
<ji_pper>
no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>
I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>
Iím spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>
ur all freaks thats what u r

<Patrician|Away>
what does your robot do, sam
<bovril>
it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls

<Sonium>
someone speak python here?
<lucky>
HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky>
SSSSS
<Sonium>
the programming language

<Batty>
Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep>
rapc?
<Batty>
...
<Batty>
Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep>
oic
<Batty>
Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep>
wtf is erap?
* Batty bangs his head repeatedly against a wall

<kylev>
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<kylev>
hahahahaha
<kylev>
some girl just came onto our floor
<kylev>
and was yelling "sexual favors for anyone who does my sociology paper"
<kylev>
i just asked her what the paper was about
<kylev>
and she said the accomplishments and growth of feminism
<`Neo>
bahahahaha

<Beeth>
Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
<honx>
well, you can stil get one from a strange country :-P

<Stormrider>
I should bomb something
<Stormrider>
...and it's off the cuff remarks like that that are the reason I don't log chats
<Stormrider>
Just in case the FBI ever needs anything on me
<Elzie_Ann>
I'm sure they can just get it from someone who DOES log chats.
*** FBI has joined #gamecubecafe
<FBI>
We saw it anyway.
*** FBI has quit IRC (Quit: )

<reo4k>
just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]>
that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven>
:(

<robT>
Name ONE thing that your windows comp can do that my MAC cant
<bawss>
Right click.

<Fenris>
My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG!
<Fenris>
Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for
<Fenris>
I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??"
<Fenris>
And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online.
<Fenris>
I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch.
<ctone>
...
<ctone>
now theres a quote for bash.org
<Fenris>
Don't you fucking dare.

<BombScare>
i beat the internet
<BombScare>
the end guy is hard

<DmncAtrny>
I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny>
And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny>
and run like hell

<NHBoy>
I broke my G-string while fingering a minor :(
<rycool>
...
<NHBoy>
I was trying to play Knocking on Heaven's Door.
<NHBoy>
Oh well, time to buy new strings.

<Mendo>
lmao there's a wicked looking spider on my monitor and if i move the mouse around he chases after it
<spitfire>
haha mendo
<spitfire>
take a screen shot
<spitfire>
wait
<spitfire>
that made no sense

<Mike3285>
wtf is a palindrome
<MaroonSand>
no its not dude

<Mootar>
morons.
<Mootar>
these people who live in my apartment complex are connected to my wireless
<Mootar>
they must think they're super-cool hackers by breaking into my completely unsecure network
<Mootar>
unfortunately, the connection works both ways
<Mootar>
long story short, they now have loads of horse porn on their computer

<BigBurk>
God i really cant stand windows me
<Felacio>
heh i know. i moved to win2k
* Felacio sucks huge cock
<Felacio>
errr ME, not /me

<@Chin^>
My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^>
just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^>
So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^>
there is no justice in the world...

<Primus521>
hey dude the funniest thing happened to me today
<Primus521>
im at walmart and this chick is buying a box of tampons and they are missing the upc and wont ring up
<Primus521>
so the cashier tells his buddy to get a price check on tampax
<Primus521>
the dude looks at him and says, "the kind u push in, or the kind you hammer in?"
<Primus521>
lol
<Primus521>
turns out he misheard him
<Primus521>
he thought he said thumbtacs
<Primus521>
you should have seen the look on the chicks face
<Primus521>
omfg
<Primus521>
til the day i die
<Primus521>
i will never forget it

<JstWnnaHveFuN08>
do you think i should call a guy friend and talk to him about my problems? or will he not care?
<Thilo>
Here's how it works: if a guy helps you with your problems, you're obligated to give him a blowjob.
<JstWnnaHveFuN08>
lol thanks that cheered me up
<Thilo>
No problem. That'll be one blowjob please.

<random girl>
hey!
<me>
...hi?
<me>
who is this?
<random girl>
Jessica, I saw u on myspace
<random girl>
ur hot
<me>
thanks
<random girl>
np
<me>
this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her
<me>
what should I do?
<random girl>
make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
<me>
oh alright
<me>
I have to go
<me>
my mom is kicking me off
<me>
bye

<glacial>
I love school
<glacial>
Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial>
Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
<glacial>
So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial>
She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial>
"Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"

<Mikkel>
If you went camping and you got REALLY drunk with your friend and you woke up the next morning with a condom stuck up your ass would you tell anybody?
<Celestya>
i dont think so
<Mikkel>
Wanna go camping?

<Sigurd>
a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian>
a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian>
be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck>
a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck>
you god damn geekass bastards

<Insomniak`>
Stupid fucking Google
<Insomniak`>
"The" is a common word, and was not included in your search
<Insomniak`>
"Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search

<morganj>
0 is false and 1 is true, correct?
<alec_eso>
1, morganj
<morganj>
bastard.

<skrike>
I think the people above me are having sex
<skrike>
either that or they're sleeping restlessly and agreeing with each other a lot.

<DigiGnome>
Real life should have a fucking search function, or something.
<DigiGnome>
I need my socks.

<LIMPBZKIT>
i dont know whats wrong with me i had sex
<JerkItgrl>
HAHA
<JerkItgrl>
with what?

<DaveMan>
if a cop ever shoots, he/she means to kill
<DaveMan>
standard practice is two at the torso, then try to put one in the head
<jitspoe>
getting shot twice in the torso would suck
<Fryth>
getting one would be a breeze, though
<jitspoe>
Fryth: that only drops me to 60 health

<weed>
wtf is this world turning to?
<@Phucker>
America.

<Xizer>
Winzip is such a girl...
<Xizer>
"Uh hey. 30 days are up could you stop using me? No? Well I'll just ask again tomorrow..."

<Brian>
I'll drink to that.
<Huitzil>
You'll drink to changing the batteries in your smoke detector!
<Huitzil>
Which is quite important, don't get me wrong, but not really a drinkable occurance.
<Brian>
Hey! I don't have a drinking problem!
<Brian>
If anything, I'm TOO good at it. <_<

<Wilson99>
omg thats so phat !! i never knew saw that
<T1Jr>
yeah it is pretty overweight.

<bLaKeiMuS_TiReD>
i had a dream 2 nights ago that my penis was stuck in the hole of a TDK silver cd and i was really nervous
<jAyVeNoMx>
damn dood if my dick fit in a CD hole I'd be nervous too

--> ( join ) josiejaz (~jimmie@hide-53860.dial.tor1.sprint-canada.net) joined (#linux).
<josiejaz>
fucking god damn peice of s**t ISP
<Eric>
i love how you censored "shit"
<Eric>
but forgot fucking and damn

<@Li-Sonder>
i'm going to build a castle from the empty soda cans on my desk
<@Li-Sonder>
and declare myself king of this desk
<@Li-Sonder>
and rule it with an iron fist
<@Li-Sonder>
and make all the ants pay taxes
<@Li-Infinite>
wow
<@Li-Infinite>
you got way too much time on your hand.
<@Li-Sonder>
you mean my iron fist.

<313|GTSR>
i just rememberd i have test tomarrow
<313|GTSR>
i hate HS
<rAzor>
You'd better pray it's not a spelling test. :

<Gobi>
know what's better than pasta?
<Feat>
pornography
<Gobi>
more pasta!
<Gobi>
...and that
<Feat>
porn pasta?
<Gobi>
porno-getti
<Feat>
ravi-hole-ey
<Feat>
hmm
<Gobi>
hmm indeed
<Gobi>
heh heh heh
<Gobi>
we could market to all the college dropouts in Canada and make billions off their unspent student loans!

<Drac|working>
cool pizza,beer and my computer......this is the life
<Seth>
Drac|working: that is the life of one who doesn't have a life ;)

<Baybee_Gurl>
that wuz so awesome last night
<Baybee_Gurl>
i had a great time
<SiCkNeSsS>
says: yea... me too
<Baybee_Gurl>
if you're interested i'm willing to do it again ;)
<SiCkNeSsS>
mm hmm
<Baybee_Gurl>
yea
<Baybee_Gurl>
...
<Baybee_Gurl>
is something bothering you?
<Baybee_Gurl>
because your acting weird
<SiCkNeSsS>
it's nothing
<Baybee_Gurl>
tell me
<SiCkNeSsS>
dont worry 'bout it
<Baybee_Gurl>
tell me plz
<Baybee_Gurl>
plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
<Baybee_Gurl>
.........
<Baybee_Gurl>
come on just tell me
<Baybee_Gurl>
i wont care
<SiCkNeSsS>
fine if you put it that way
<Baybee_Gurl>
okay so tell me!!
<SiCkNeSsS>
if you fucking get pregnant i am so dumping your ass
<Baybee_Gurl>
.....

<Dingles>
Why am I such a funny person?
<Jack104>
'Cause your life is a joke?

<Ti`lana>
I saw in front of a church a sign that said "Jesus loves children!" and thought "Yeah, so does his priests. *smirk*"

<fiveiron>
you porn addicted freaks
<fiveiron>
porn rots your mind
<la_haine>
course it doesn't
<la_haine>
you're thinking of TV
<fiveiron>
no, i'm thinking of porn
<fiveiron>
no wait...that didnt sound right...

<JustinW>
My girlfriend says Shaft sucks.
<Sigma>
JustinW: maybe she just isn't doing it right.

<Bonz>
Light bulbs are not actually "light bulbs" but dark absorbers. When you turn them on, they suck the dark out of the room. You can prove this by holding your hand under a "light bulb". The dark will stack up under your hand where its path to the absorber is blocked by your hand. When they quit working and turn a dark color, it's not because they burnt out, it's because they're full.

<vic>
128kbps is good for music, but for a shower
<vic>
it's way more than you need
<Jewass>
no way
<Jewass>
i need to feel my cleanest
<Jewass>
and we have lo-flo shower heads at my house
<Nosnam>
Its not a lo-flo shower head. It's a low bandwidth shower head.
<Kurt>
golden showers
<Nosnam>
golden showers would be AOL
<Nosnam>
A dialup shower head is one where you have to stand there for 10 minutes before the water starts coming out
<Nosnam>
I use a cisco router with my shower. It's load distribution sprays my entire body at once
<Nosnam>
I forgot to enable WEP encryption on my 802.11G shower... I was showering, and my neighbor joined me
<Chamuyo>
I remember back in my time when you had to order your water and it got delivered in paper envelopes with stamps glued on them
<vic>
that's taking it to far
<vic>
gtfo

<Mod>
he was very nasty. called him that word you never wanna call a black man
<Sirak>
??
<Mod>
no one ever wants to call a black man the word that begins with 'n' ends in 'r' and has 'ig' in the middle
<Sirak>
Neighbour?

<Chalklatemilk>
ok so im wacking off to a video of two lesbians fucking eachother
<Chalklatemilk>
then i hear my mom walking down the hall to this room
<Chalklatemilk>
so i quickly close the video
<Chalklatemilk>
then she walks in and im sitting with my pants down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she left the room will stick with me till the day i die.

<nakke>
!dictionary fellatio
<FillyJonk>
2 entries found for fellatio.
<FillyJonk>
fel-la-ti-o (f-l, -sh, f-) n. Oral stimulation of the penis. [New Latin, from Latin felltus, past participle of fellre, to suck. See dh(i)- in Indo-European Roots.]
<JibberJim>
So billions is spent on making it possible for people to "chat" across the world, and access dictionary's and what do you do? - look up dirty words...

<Scofco>
just because i like hairless chicks with small tits, and that are younger than me, does not make me a pedophile
<Scofco>
it makes me borderline pedophile

<C4>
I overclocked my mousepad.
<tminos>
thats nothing, I have my waterbed OC'ed, now I only have to sleep for two hours a night

<Dark_T_Zeratul>
My calculator slices, dices, and can scramble an egg within it's shell. It also makes julian fries and gets AM radio stations.
<Lady_Vahn>
I'll become rich after thinking of a way to steal stuff across the internet
<Lady_Vahn>
I could like, sell it for a million dollars, keep the prototype
<Lady_Vahn>
then steal it from the guy I sold it too

<Hat>
How many seconds are there in a year?
<sirus>
2
<Hat>
No.
<sirus>
7?
<Hat>
That's not even an educated guess...
<sirus>
i know
<sirus>
im being stupid on purpose
<Hat>
It's hard to tell.

<Hat>
I'm the king of giving girls oral sex. Ask my girlfriends.
<Jeokitty>
You're so good at all that, Mark, how good is she?
<Hat>
She fucking sucks dick.
<Hat>
Err
<Hat>
I meant that in a bad way. Like, she sucks dick... poorly.

[02:02] * king_away is back from Sex0ring my HAND :D. I was gone for 18secs
<Agent>
You should see a doctor about that.
<Agent>
18 secs?!
<king_minkus>
:D
<king_minkus>
yep
<king_minkus>
my hand is good
<king_minkus>
DAMN good
<Agent>
I'll uh... take your word for it :)
<Silent_Remorse>
18 secs? Your pathetic
<Silent_Remorse>
;p
<king_minkus>
i repeat
<king_minkus>
my hand is good
<Silent_Remorse>
I pity the woman who you eventually trick into having sex with you

<Oolong>
3 types of people on the internet = convinced they're ugly, convinced they're life has no meaning, and convinced they could kick your ass despite they don't know jack about you
<Oolong>
he forgot convinced they're japanese
<Oolong>
"aya, Britney Spears no kawaii desu nyo! ^O^^^O^O^^O^"

<`]{rAzY]`>
My penis is so big that when black men look at it, they say "Hey man, you got a big penis"
<dubdope>
krazy... why do you have black men looking at your penis?
<dubdope>
plus krazy.. how do they know what your penis looks like when they have you bent over?

<xwred1>
my friend on aim is annoying me I want to hack them
<xwred1>
I just want to get in and format his drive
<xwred1>
I asked him for his address ip and he said its 127.0.0.1
<TheOnyx>
heh
<TheOnyx>
Do you know what 127.0.0.1 is?
<xwred1>
its an address
<xwred1>
loopback, or something, right?
<xwred1>
it loops to him, then back to me
<xwred1>
thats how I can hax0r him

<Hat>
What is seven Q plus three Q?
<Khryptonite>
10q
<Hat>
You're welcome.
<Khryptonite>
Huh?
<Hat>
haha
<Khryptonite>
WHAT!?!! stop laughing at me all the time
<Hat>
10Q, when spoken phoenetically, sounds like "thank you".
<Khryptonite>
huh?
<Khryptonite>
TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS
<Khryptonite>
HAT, TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<@ANARCHEY>
LOL da_rut@hotmail.com intentionally sent me a few mails with a virus in it.. luckily my Norton picked it up... now i was gonna subscribe his e-mail address with some gay porn sites... first site i tried he was already subscribed to :P

<Oddlies>
spawn killing is when you kill someone as they respawn you nub
<Chimp>
I do that in wolfenstein with the mortar
<Oddlies>
then you're a spawn kiling nub
<Oddlies>
:. sux
<Oddlies>
spawn killing is not cool D:
<Chimp>
They are liek: OMG YOU NUB! I HAT YOU! STOP IT PLESE. CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO SPAWN KILL?
<Chimp>
I only do it when I need the xp
<Oddlies>
that's like saying "I only rape toddlers when I need to get laid"
<Oddlies>
it doesn't make it cool

<defekt>
eh, some muslims just burned the swiss flag as a danish flag
<naama->
it's the thought that counts

<RainmakeR>
fuck I'm a retard
<RainmakeR>
I was trying to use windows magnifier to enlarge the dead pixel area to look at it better
<RainmakeR>
i had it open for like 5 seconds, then like "wait a minute... "

<bi0_away>
Universal Realm Enterprises, Inc. (PATHFUSION-DOM)
<bi0_away>
PO Box 903
<bi0_away>
Volcano
<bi0_away>
HI,96785
<bi0_away>
US
<bi0_away>
HI
<bi0_away>
lol
<bi0_away>
a city called Hi
<bi0_away>
"hi, welcome to hi"
<FenixTxD>
Its hawaii
<FenixTxD>
idiot.

<_bryan_>
its a good thing MS isn't in the condom business

* iMac therefore iSuck *

<Schroe>
Christ, I don't know how those girls think their bones are so attractive.
<TheNintenGenius>
Attack of the Super Thin
<TheNintenGenius>
Of course, they're easily defeated. Just tell them they're fat.

<Ted>
I'd like something to open the damn door automatically.
<bernard>
A negro?
<Ted>
That would take up too much room in the undersized bathroom here.
<bernard>
Gary Coleman?

<Aryk>
i need to make a shirt.... "You're so much sexier when you just SHUT UP!"

<krangface>
man fucking big brother... border security... soon they're gonna have a show called the fascist purge... which consists of people being rounded up and systematically shot
<drexen>
that's the 'war on terrorism'

<mofo>
s2pid virgin cola commercials.
<reuben>
i bet it's harder to type "s2pid" than it is to type "stupid"
<mofo>
s2pid looks cooler and sophisticated though, so :P
<reuben>
it looks stupid

* Argent- changes topic to ' IRN has visions of me on my knees, cock in hand, looking up with huge brown eyes, saying "m-mister.. are you sure this is right?"'

<RageRules>
Well I have woots Ip address
<RageRules>
That's cool
<mrWoot>
hack me?
<RageRules>
Why not?
<mrWoot>
how dare you
<RageRules>
Give me 43 and a half reasons why I shouldn't
<POLKA>
rage, ill give you 1
<POLKA>
because you cant

<Luggage_>
ban him for a day, let him know he was a dick
<Luggage_>
i can't see his address, i'm using stupid ol' mirc
<SixOfFive>
IRBMe you got it, or want me to?
<IRBMe>
let Luggage_
<IRBMe>
*!*@151.196.185.148
*** X sets mode +b *!*@151.196.185.148 for #VB
*** Luggage_ was kicked by X from #VB :Reason ((Luggage) Intentional Flooding, 2 Day "Time Out")
<IRBMe>
lol
<IRBMe>
gullible fool
*** Luggage_ (~Paleron@151.196.185.148) has joined #VB
<Luggage_>
nice one IRBMe
<SixOfFive>
too funny hehe
<SixOfFive>
Luggage_
<Luggage_>
didn't even check the address
<Luggage_>
if i looked, i'de have seen it was mine :)
<ThFabba>
n1 @ irb
<IRBMe>
I wish I could have seen Luggage_'s face though.
<Luggage_>
IRBMe: it was a look of surprise and confusion, quckly followed by a look of realization and humiliation

<a_passerby>
fuck, well, i got an offer to be keyboardist/pianist for a band for "funk music"
<a_passerby>
but i dont listen to funk music
<a_passerby>
and the guy who asked me is a moron
<a_passerby>
"yeah man, i dont use kazaa anymore. you know your computer broadcasts an ip address?"
<a_passerby>
thats an EXACT QUOTE
<Everdraed-sleepytime>
MY GOD AN IP ADDRESS
<Everdraed-sleepytime>
MY HOUSE IS BROADCASTiNG A STREET ADDRESS

<MacMan>
OMG GUYS GUESS WAT!!!
<The_Spaniard>
Stupid is getting louder?

<Kabuki_Dude>
Shit... My teacher just sprung a surprise psych test on me. It was a damned describing game... Like: There's a forest, describe it. I was being a jackass and said that the forest was burned down and blackened.
<Kabuki_Dude>
Then she asked me how I went through the forest. I said that I ran through it denying all logic and reason.
<Kabuki_Dude>
She asked me to describe a vase in the forest, so I said that it had a penis on it.
<Kabuki_Dude>
Then she asked me to describe a barrier blocking the way. I said that the barrier was my mom with a pickaxe.
<Kabuki_Dude>
About 3 days later, my psych calls me and wants to 'talk'. Apparantly, my teacher called my psyche with the results of my test.
<Kabuki_Dude>
Here's how it went down: The way you described the forest was the way you viewed life. The way you went through the forest was the way you went through life. The vase is your view on relationships, and the barrier is how you think you're going to die.
<Kabuki_Dude>
Needless to say, my teacher keeps her distance from me now.

<mojo>
oh my god that was the greatest ever
<mojo>
UPS guy was at my door delivering some stuff to me
<mojo>
and this guy from across the street was on the sidewalk talking to him about a cell phone delivery or some nonsense
<mojo>
and the UPS guy says "crazy foreigner from across the street keeps bothering me, i don't even think he has a house"
<mojo>
"he probably drives a taxi because he can't get a real job"
<mojo>
and i smiled at him and said "yea. nothing at all like driving a UPS truck." *SLAM*

* sunny wanders back in the world of chemistry ... where the H+ atoms have lost their protons and don't know where to find them ...
<@guinea-pig>
an ion walks into a bar and says "i think i left an electron here lastnight"
<@guinea-pig>
and the bartender says "are you positive?"
<sunny>
hahahahaha
<mikegrb>
that is awesome
<@guinea-pig>
yes, we are geeks

<joshua_>
C ECE DBRY AOT URP YDAY TCBE RU YRPYGP.!
<joshua_>
BRYDCBI CO ,RPYDF RU YDAY TCBE UR YRPYGP.!
<joshua_>
AaAAAAAAAAAAAAAACC.............................!
<joshua_>
AND FUCK YOU TOO MR. DVORAK

<@Morkoth>
i drove over a man changing his tire on the highway once
<@Morkoth>
they never caught me
<[P]Rhea>
*The FBI monitors all channels on IRC*
<@Morkoth>
fucker ruined my suspension
<@Morkoth>
Did I say drove over? I meant got out and helped
<@Morkoth>
yep helped him change the tire
<@Morkoth>
after setting off regulation flares, and parking 3 meters from the bumpber and activating my four way signals

<zilla1126>
When I woke up this morning I had semen in my underwear.
<nadervader22>
....
<zilla1126>
I'm concerned because it did not taste like mine.

<Rach>
when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly>
What happened to it?
<Rach>
i broke it
<Olly>
On purpose?
<Rach>
i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach>
just stupidly
<Olly>
Ahh
<Olly>
So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach>
yeah, it's full of water

<NbVb16Mb009>
i know have you ever had the weed that smells like christmas trees
<NbVb16Mb009>
it is some good shit
<Me>
hahahahhahah, you got dicked over. somebody sold you some pine tree branches and told you it was weed
<Me>
do you smoke?
<NbVb16Mb009>
no dude im a dealer shit it was weed and yea i smoke all the time
<NbVb16Mb009>
have you ever made a beer bong
<Me>
bull shit, you aren't a dealer
<Me>
hahahahah, are you retarded?
<NbVb16Mb009>
ok but if you ever want some just talk to me about it
<Me>
just so you know, i don't believe you. what kind of weed do you sell?
<NbVb16Mb009>
shrooms

<Quake-Hat>
brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat>
i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad>
brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat>
Jesus-fucking christ!!!

<Calvinosaur>
You missed philosophy class today, huh?
<71mm34>
yeh
<Calvinosaur>
You know how Mr. Warren's policy is to read all the passed notes out loud to the entire class?
<71mm34>
no ive never expereinced it
<Calvinosaur>
Well, we really threw him for a loop today ...
<Calvinosaur>
Josh passed a note that made it around the whole class before Mr. W caught it.
<Calvinosaur>
Mr. W read it, walked out the door, and came back in ten seconds later.
<Calvinosaur>
We were in stitches at this point.
<71mm34>
wat did it say
<Calvinosaur>
"Mr. W's fly is open."

<FlourescentGerbil>
My mom is going to kill me
<FlourescentGerbil>
I was supposed to be watching my little brother, but while I was jacking off to porn, my brother wasted a quarter pound of beef trying to create a beef milkshake

<patteam717>
If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would win hands down
<kissmeimtoxic>
that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a fight with Elrond that would just be dumb

<Fitteh>
My cellphone has a clock in it though and that is what I use.
<ptj225A>
Don't you have the Speaking Clock?
<MaxBack>
Who doesn't? Here, let me just pull my time-midget out of my pocket and slap his bottom. Sounds like it's 2:24, and that's in the P.M.

<Vexidus>
When i shared my pics folder i had like 5000 naked pics of my girl shared
<Vexidus>
but nobody ever downloaded
<Sanctum>
Vex has a daughter?

<Porthos>
did you hear about the new pirate movie?
<Porthos>
it's rated PG-13
<Porthos>
wait
<Porthos>
damnit

<Raven>
YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven>
gayanal.com not a warez!

<goldenzoom7>
ping?
<cyyren>
pong
<cyyren>
good morning, I guess you're in the library before class starts?
<goldenzoom7>
to you too mommy, i got 20mins b4 the bell rings, k?
<goldenzoom7>
ummm...can you please explain your name?
<cyyren>
Do you want to know what my nick means?
<cyyren>
or did you mean my real name?
<goldenzoom7>
ur nickname
<cyyren>
you're in grade 6.
<goldenzoom7>
ya
<cyyren>
Do you know anything about Greek Mythology yet?
<cyyren>
That is where my nick comes from... The Siren
<cyyren>
Ask your teacher about who The Siren is.
<goldenzoom7>
OH! does it mean if you ask for sex it wont come?
<goldenzoom7>
lol
<cyyren>
WHAT? O_o
<cyyren>
The Siren was a mermaid...
<cyyren>
it has nothing to do with sex in this case.
<goldenzoom7>
oh
<goldenzoom7>
ok then
<cyyren>
you should NEVER talk about sex with people you dont know or people on the internet
<cyyren>
you KNOW that right? isn't your teacher in the library with you?
<cyyren>
never tell anyone your real name, or where we live!
<cyyren>
promise me you will be smart about this, or I will have to make sure you are banned from using the internet at school.
<goldenzoom7>
um...mom i know ok?
<goldenzoom7>
sex isn't a big deal u know! but ok i promise!
<goldenzoom7>
the bell rang i g2g
cyyren: *stares blankly at screen hoping that conversation was just a hacker messing with her*

<trigga>
ow
<trigga>
i just stapled the roof of my mouth
<trigga>
i was holding the stapler in my mouth and it started slipping so i bit down

<Monsoon`>
people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`>
My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something. So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it.

<nickkis>
speaking of which, my other half is going to get beaten when he wakes up
<nickkis>
he works nights
<nickkis>
and has a habit of sleeping on the sofa
<nickkis>
which is fine
<nickkis>
until I come home from work tonight and my 3 year old pipes up 'whats daddy watching'
<nickkis>
and what daddy is watching isnt suitable for 3 year olds in any way shape or form

<SupaRyz>
guess what i found out!
<mikea>
i dnt rli care but i no ur gona tell me neway
<SupaRyz>
Yeah.i was bored shitless last night so i went on this names database site
<SupaRyz>
you type in a name and it tells you what it means
<SupaRyz>
for example, Ryan means 'young royalty' and William means 'Protector'
<SupaRyz>
so i was randomly entering names in, and i put Ben in
<SupaRyz>
"from the name BENJAMIN"
<SupaRyz>
and guess what Benjamin means...
<mikea>
no idea.
<SupaRyz>
"Son of my right hand!"
<mikea>
haha!
<SupaRyz>
So ima go up to ben tomora and say "GOD ben, your dad's a right wanker!"
<mikea>
hah. knowin him he'd say 'yeah i was watchin him too'

<ln3>
someone just told me he was board.
ln3: *morns the loss of grammar and spelling*
<ln3>
...fuck.

<Alanna>
Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders

* Trog starts singing "My little pony, my little pony"
* Mezir shoves a little pony up an orifice of Trog's choice
<Trog>
yours

<Mmc1512>
YOI KID
<Mmc1512>
ALL THE LAMPSHADES ARE ON YOUR SUBMARINE
<Mmc1512>
catch my drift?
<NcKmN 1988>
wtf lol
<Mmc1512>
your alarm clocks are made out of cheese
<NcKmN 1988>
uhhh..
<Mmc1512>
your car is a boat on the fifth of the week
<Mmc1512>
get it?
<NcKmN 1988>
hmmm...
<NcKmN 1988>
no
<Mmc1512>
you look like a goriila escaped from alaska
<Mmc1512>
you need 2 pencils to write but only one hand to see
<Mmc1512>
understand?
<NcKmN 1988>
u sniff glue again?
<Mmc1512>
no son
<Mmc1512>
back off my shoe box

<Raven`>
summer can suck ass so bad sometimes
<Raven`>
I mean sure, it's nice out and women are less clothed
<Raven`>
but there's nothing to watch on tv

<beefstain>
i wish faggots would stop putting my deoderant on me with their tongues while i slumber
<beefstain>
i mean
<beefstain>
YARR, MANLY THINGS

<[UA]lavalamp>
I was playing chutes and ladders with my 4-year-old son...when he won, he jumped up, pointed at me, and shouted "pwned!"

<(>'.')>> Ladymercury>
Creed disbands and Reagen DIES
<(>'.')> Ladymercury>
MY GOD
<(>'.')> Ladymercury>
ITS A SIGN
<(jmr) mirai>
hmm
<(jmr) mirai>
yeah
<tiger_yamato>
That the world is slowly becoming a better place?

<IAX>
You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.

<Samwise>
And if not for a beard, what can you stroke while thinking?
<jacquilyn>
Depends what you're thinking about.

<Androo>
there is no fucking way i spunk 200ml
<Mark>
ok let's say 150
<Androo>
thats 5 wanks to fill a litre bottle
<Androo>
that would be like "SPLUUUUUUUUUUUURGEEEE"
<Androo>
i'd be a fucking skin on the floor
<Androo>
i cant sperm all that

<Uncle>
eww rough
<Uncle>
theres a mans name in this book: Clitus
<Uncle>
imagine how much he got beaten up for that
<GT2>
yeah, i bet all the kids at Fictional High beat him up real good

<lexa>
anyone wanna buy some cheap tampons? 10p each
<lexa>
no strings attached

<caca_lialia>
my brother was wanking in front of computer.
<devil>
how do you know?:)
<caca_lialia>
the mouse is on the left side...

<aoe2junkie>
i wonder what my dog tries to say to me when he barks
<Karath-Din>
"stop touching me there"

<ThAJuGgAlEtTe987>
Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. There are at least 2 people in this worldthat youu would die for. You mean the world to someone. Someone that you dont even know exists loves you. When youuu make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look again. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget the rude remarks. So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on you list
<ZooTYaDeaDHomiE>
Go Fuck Yourself

<atty>
my face hurts
<Chester>
why is that
<atty>
well, my grandmother is like a radical feminist
<atty>
and she came downstairs while i was eating my ribs and took one
<atty>
and i go, DAMN WOMEN... ALWAYS STEALING A RIB FROM US MEN
<atty>
so she slapped me
<Chester>
dumbass

<^sWift>
omfg
<^sWift>
this shit is horrible
<^sWift>
McDonalds now offering a free music download with the purchase of a Big Mac Extra Value Meal
<^sWift>
an average of 12 songs on a CD, so that's about 7200 calories you will need to consume in order to get an album's worth of music
<^sWift>
ahaha
<^sWift>
People are willing to slowly kill themselves for free mp3s

<Dr_Willis>
I also got a "force feedback" mouse :P
AzMoo[w] [~AzMoo@eth4931.sa.adsl.internode.on.net] has joined #***
<Dr_Willis>
wife hates it.. "It Bit me!"
<Dr_Willis>
i had the Vibe set to max. she thohgh she was getting electrical-shocks
<Dr_Willis>
:P
<AzMoo[w]>
wow, I came in on the right conversation ...

<kn1ves>
How do you think Jesse Jackson would react if he got asked to answer the white courtesy phone?

<Freezer_Burn>
how do i removed a burned in image from my monitor
<seamuso>
buy a new monitor
<Freezer_Burn>
i cant
<Kornchild>
how did you burn an image into yoru monitor?
<Freezer_Burn>
i set it to full screen at high brightness and fell asleep
<Freezer_Burn>
there is a faint outline of a naked lady with her legs wide open showing her privates
<Freezer_Burn>
and i i have to remove it before my mom comes home tomorrow night
<trance`>
Freezer_Burn LMFAO
<meanolthing`>
lol

<Rabidplaybunny87>
It is better to be pissed off than pissed on.
<DAGREATONE951>
Tell that to r. kelly.

<Mike>
You don't even know what a foo is
<Chris>
of course i do... It's the guy you pity.

<bloodeu>
Fortunately, I have a six pack that turns women on instantly
<skittz>
is it bud light?

<+lisa`>
well, sometimes, when the moon is right i like to print out the source code to the Linux kernel, scatter them on the floor, lube myself up and roll around in the printed code.

<DrBoB>
sex is so over-rated...
<DrBoB>
and i dought it's gonna be much better with someone from the opposite sex.

<khjb007>
i got a way to tell if your mind's dirty or not
<kpgongju226>
aight
<khjb007>
what's a four letter word, that describes a girl, and ends in u-n-t?
<kpgongju226>
cunt? wait. shit, that's dirty...
<khjb007>
lol, its aunt you dumbarse...

* jtal sets mode: +v
<jtal>
no more talking from you young man
Mash- is now known as -WTF-_
-WTF-_ is now known as givemev
givemev is now known as plz-
plz- is now known as comon1
comon1 is now known as usux-
* usux- has quit IRC (you suck cock give me voice)
* usux- has joined #MethaneDev
* usux- has quit IRC (come on don't be a bitch)
* usux- has joined #MethaneDev
<jtal>
OMFG DO YOU NOT SHUT THE FUCK UP! HOLY FUCKING SHIT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP MAN! GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!%!!!@!$@!)(@#*!()@)$04812041892801392onetwoninethreesevensix

<headlessj>
i dl winrar, and it came in a .rar file

<SubWolf>
Do you know the number of times I've walked into a room and had some guy go "Here comes Jesus"?!? That was back in the big beard & long hair days.
<MrPilot>
hehe
<C>
Bloody hippy
<SubWolf>
I used to say "Yeah, and you've sinned, motherfuckers."

Friend Sites

Op 21 maart 2009 is mijn boek 'De Paarse Panda' gepubliceerd. In dit boek beschrijf ik hoe het voelt om longkanker te hebben en ongeneeslijk ziek te zijn verklaard. Het boek barst van geluk, positiviteit, liefde, creativiteit, levenslust, verwondering en optimisme maar dat laatste brokkelt heel langzaam af door teleurstellingen en het moeten verleggen van grenzen.