Top 30 Facts for Mr. T

source: 4q.cc

1. Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
2. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
3. Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
4. Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
5. The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
6. Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
7. When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
8. Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
9. Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
10. Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
11. If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
12. The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
13. Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.
14. Small animals find Mr. T irresistible and can be found playing in his mohawk. Mr. T tolerates them because "They don't give me no lip."
15. Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.
16. Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
17. When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.
18. Mr. T can count past infinity.
19. Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.
20. When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
21. Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.
22. Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
23. Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
24. A local area teen once tried to persuade Mr. T into buying Dub Spinners for the A-Team Van. He proceeded to smash the teen through one of the spinners, double dip his body in gravy, and ate every last piece. Moral to the story: Mr. T Loves Gravy.
25. Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.
26. Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
27. Mr. T does not play the guitar, but he will bash your face in with one.
28. If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
29. World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
30. Mr T. appeared on Wheel of Fortune. He asked for a "T" and Pat Sajak replied, "Sorry Mr. T, there are no T's". Mr. T replied "I pity you Pat Sajak", and proceeded to rip off Pat's head, extend his arms to make him in the shape of a "T" and place him on the board. He then punched Vanna in the face and dragged her off stage by her hair. Vanna is believed to be tied in gold chains in Mr. T's basement to this day.