My Sweet Face

Vin Diesel

The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.
When Vin Diesel deletes files from his computer, he doesn't send them to the Recycle Bin. He sends them to hell.
Vin Diesel always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.
Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.
When Vin Diesel gets pulled over he lets the cop off with a warning.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer when he was tired of using his forehead to slam nails into wood.
When he was nine, Vin Diesel dressed as himself to go trick-or-treating. He came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of his candy.
Vin Diesel can predict the shuffle on his iPod.
Vin Diesel was originally cast as Aragorn in Lord of the Rings. He was fired for eating the Hobbits between takes and making Orlando Bloom his bitch.
When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
Only once has Vin Diesel ever cried. The only survivors were a bunch of animals and some dude named Noah.
Vin Diesel survived abortion.
Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines.
When Vin Diesel talks about "pumping iron," he's actually referring to masturbation.
If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.
Vin Diesel's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.
Vin Diesel ripped out of all Charlie Brown's hair but left a single strand to remind him one day he'd come back to eat him.
When you enter a certain cheat code into The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, Vin Diesel shows up at your house and beats the game for you, but then he breaks your thumbs for cheating.
Vin Diesel invented the spanish language because he liked the word "pantalones" and needed a language to use it in context.
Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.
Nobody appreciates pacifism more than Vin Diesel, and if you don't believe him, he'll tear your kidneys out. Nobody appreciates irony more than Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
The gaping hole in the Periodic Table of Elements once contained all of the elements used to create Vin Diesel. The government omitted these elements in future publications of the Table out of fear that rival nations could make their own Vin Diesel.

Vin Diesel

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