My Sweet Face

Excerpts from Bash.org

source: Bash.org

#729367 +(260)- [X]

<skulk>

why the hell is wrestling on the scifi channel?

<skulk>

that's like MTV playing music videos

#729283 +(414)- [X]

<Trev>

dang baby did i tell u that u looked FINE today!

<Trev>

u looked likea dime

<Trev>

that was so sexy i just couldnt stand it

<Grace>

thanks trevor, you're lying

<Trev>

nooooo u were beautiful

<Grace>

trevor I was absent today

<Trev>

#728751 +(968)- [X]

<ehFk>

so today in class Mr. Frank was like "Guys, turn to page 404...."

<ehFk>

me being a smartass say "Sir.... I can't find it"

<ehFk>

"Michael, It is page 404"

<ehFk>

"SIR! I CAN'T FIND IT!"

<ehFk>

I spent the next two minutes explaining to my class what 404 meant

<ehFk>

and they all looked at me like I was the biggest fucking nerd EVER

wow... speechless.

#727758 +(212)- [X]

My gaming machine is running 2k at the moment, but I may have to downgrade to XP in the near future, or make it a dual boot.

Downgrade to XP ? :S

2k is older then XP. It is called upgrading.

LogiForce: going from "bad" to "worse" is not an upgrade even if "worse" was released after "bad".

#727509 +(364)- [X]

i asked Windows to delete 36 000 files from a directory, and i ve already waited for 15 minutes and nothing resultes...

<LoL>

it is preparing 36 000 "are you sure?" windows

#727320 +(147)- [X]

I tried using my sis's G5 powerbook or something

she has a mac? poor thing.

she bought it for the logo

her words, not mine

#727158 +(391)- [X]

<+GamerTony>

is it bad when you and your fiancee start eating the same things?

<@arfer>

if it's pussy, yes

#726567 +(1595)- [X]

I think I was 12 at the time, and I was at this girl's house for some kind of party... I think her name was Kate.

Anyway, at some point she said she wanted to show me something, and brought me alone to her brother's room. She dug under his bed and took out a picture of a woman having sex with a dog. Then she kissed me.

I'm as confused about this now as I was then.

#726333 +(409)- [X]

They should make the entire world follow the same timezone. They could have like orbital mirrors which reflect the sun to every corner of the earth.,

And have night at the same time.

And nightime would happen How?

Turn off the mirorrs

#725783 +(563)- [X]

<1>

please tell me if there's any way to check if a table exist in mysql database

<2>

if (mysql_query('DROP TABLE table_name')) echo "table existed";

#725069 +(1818)- [X]

<Holly>

So I got my period, and i was bleeding, and my pad leaked

<Jesse>

Really?

<Holly>

Yeah, and it leaked everywhere! And so i had to go into the doctors, and they had to shave my vagina, it wasnt good

<Jesse>

Wow, i cant believe youre telling me this

<Holly>

Well...its just girl talk

<Jesse>

Jesse is a guy's name too

#707847 +(226)- [X]

What's wrong with maroon 5?

They're a boyband, girls like boy bands

based on the evidence... i must be gay

it does seem likely...

It must be that every male i've come into contact with is horrendously ugly cos i haven't been attracted to any

as unlikely as that sounds it is more likely than a straight male liking maroon 5

#707742 +(422)- [X]

<nerd>

my wife installed IE7

<nerd>

because she felt like it

<ct>

where did you bury the body?

#707279 +(309)- [X]

I need to think of a better gay-bar name

I mean, "Dick's" works for now, but still

haha

well you could use...

Manhole

it's an actual gay bar (remember from The Most Disturbing Conversation Ever?)

I remember

But I like Dick's better than Manhole, unfortunately

Though Manhole was a gay dance club

oh whatever

I could use that for the gay dance club in my story lol

Dick's isn't a good name for a gay bar

I know what to call it

"The Mouthful"

...Evan

I hate to say this

But you are a fucking genius

#707258 +(435)- [X]

uhh... wow, my mom walked up and saw that I had three windows open in firefox: Incest Wikipedia Entry, Republican Party (United States) Wikipedia Entry, and a Guide on Becoming an Evil Overlord

she just looked at me and walked away

#707257 +(410)- [X]

<__20h_P9_>

DOS is the OS of the future.

<__20h_P9_>

It doesn't suck. :P

__20h_P9_: but it dosent have a decent windowing system

and no dos dosent suck, it blows

Is there anything that dosent suck or blow?

<__20h_P9_>

Feminists

#706299 +(1812)- [X]

there is this post on the IMDB board asking if saw III has any nudity because they want to know if they can take their kids to it

#706281 +(1547)- [X]

bush ain't THAT bad...he kinda knows what he's doin

Please, Monica Lewinski had more President in her than George Bush ever will.

#705784 +(520)- [X]

best way to get rid of a client with dial-up, told them to install service pack 2 and call back

#705365 +(1492)- [X]

<Ben>

I love the internet.

<@Reb>

...

<Ben>

You can ask your girl friends about their problems

<Ben>

Play xbox for 20 minutes

<Ben>

Come back, say "Yeah you're right..."

<Ben>

Then go play some more xbox.

<@Reb>

...You son of a bitch that was me

<Ben>

REBECCA?

*** Reb sets mode: +b Ben*!*@*.*

*** Ben has been kicked by Reb (Asshole)

#705361 +(2108)- [X]

Dude, I was eating a chocolate bar in my kitchen the other day, when my mom walks in

I was like "it's like an orgasm in my mouth" and my mom says "oh, believe me, you DON'T want to know what that tastes like".

I guess she realized what she said, because she walked out really quickly.

#704747 +(1806)- [X]

I own a few sites and one of them sells baby products. A couple of weeks ago a customer ordered a gift for her sister and asked that it be shipped directly to her sister's house.

Well it turns out that she gave me the wrong address. When I called her to get the correct one she said her sister would call me. Unfortunately UPS returned the package before the sister called.

So, I reshipped the package out to the correct address but there were UPS fees for returning and resending the package. When I phoned to tell the customer here is what she said to me...

"I'll never shop online again, this is too much of a hassle. I had NO IDEA the right address would be so important."

What!?!?!?

#704472 +(839)- [X]

<nyk>

i need a floppy disc, anyone know where I can get one this late?

walmart maybe, its open 24 hours.

<Jordan_M>

i know some mexicans that are hardcore tech guys that could get you a floppy disc

<nyk>

so you both say walmart?

#515093 +(3097)- [X]

You don't know jack shit

That's not true, I know him well

Haha

I'm serious

Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children

Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.

However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.

She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.

Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

So there.

<FiPo>

LOL

I have actually chortled coke through my nose

#162487 +(2320)- [X]

<Ocher>

hey guyz

<Ocher>

I SUCK DICK FOR COKE

<Ocher>

o god...

<Ocher>

i think my brother has a wireless kb plugged in

<Ocher>

IM A HUGE FAG

<Ocher>

yep...

<Ocher>

he does...

<Ocher>

MAKE BONDAGE AND BEASTIALITY NATIONAL PASTTIMES

<Ocher>

argh brb

* Ocher is now known as Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz

<Ocher`Beastiality`Pwnz>

O SHIT HERE HE COMES

#34648 +(1017)- [X]

<hailz_b>

pepsi is gayyyyyyy

<hailz_b>

gayyyyyyyy

<hailz_b>

give me cock anyday

<hailz_b>

i mean coke!

#583201 +(976)- [X]

heeehheeeh. once my sister's former best friend was having a baby and she couldn't think of a name. we walked past a coke machine and i said "how about dasani?" how was i to know she'd totally take my advice? i'm responsible for a kid being named after a coke product

#260952 +(933)- [X]

<eminem_fan>

they changed google!

<eminem_fan>

i hate it, it's like new coke

wtf, you're like eleven, how do you know about new coke?

<eminem_fan>

stfu blac, how u know I'm 11?

do a google search for "eminem fans"...

#36645 +(357)- [X]

<jay\>

the cock from burger king tastes better, dunno why tho :|

<jay\>

coke

<jay\>

ffs

#22797 +(291)- [X]

<Danny>

i never had problems with any italian folks

I've had a problem with them grabbing me by the neck and offering me a vanilla coke

#105590 +(279)- [X]

<[mahn]jooce>

I was expecting coke when I drank urine

<[mahn]jooce>

and

<[mahn]jooce>

it took me like 5 seconds to figure out what it was

<Kitsa>

lol

<Kitsa>

I'm sure the Coke company would be thrilled to hear it took so long

#697756 +(1965)- [X]

<Blauw>

If i die and i get reincarnated, i wish i was my girlfriends pussy

<Argy>

Why?

<Blauw>

Then i would be able to see all my friends again

#543933 +(1899)- [X]

<Buck_Satan>

take the amount of pussy you've gotten, times that by three and that should be a rough estimate of how much I've gotten

<Buck_Satan>

fag

0 x 3 = 0, Buck

#576018 +(1399)- [X]

so im stuck hangin out with this emo kid

he goes up to this hot girl and says "hey baby, what are you doing lateR?"

she turns to him and goes "boy, i already have a pussy, i dont need another one" and walks away

i couldnt stop laughing

then he gets this sad look and tells me to shut up

i calmly pull out my sharpie and draw a tear on his cheek

he literally shrieks and runs away

#15457 +(1033)- [X]

<na-dragon>

Who would win in a fight? A Z-Fighter from dragon ball z, or a jedi master?

Well, thats a good question, there are alot of things that need to be factored in

Z fighters can fly, shoot big balls of energy, go really fast, and releport etc

<na-dragon>

Yes but a jedi master can see all of that happen before he does it, and he has a light saber..

I guess this is one of those things in life we will never really know

<Vyse>

GOD DAMNIT, Has either one of you ever even SEEN what a pussy looks like?

#553301 +(949)- [X]

i had a crazy dream last night

my mother barged into my room and started hitting my computer

i threw her down, and ended up sniffing her pussy through her panties

weird

<@ tanlin999>

so what was the dream?

oh yeah that

well

#3065 +(741)- [X]

i got a speech from my latin teacher about how in europe its commonplace for men to cry

and crying is so special

i asked her if she wanted me to cry for her and she said no, stop being a pussy this is america

#44758 +(598)- [X]

You are what you eat ^_^

I AM NOT A PUSSY

>_>

yeah, you're a dick.

#31334 +(507)- [X]

why is it, in the commercials the bottles of medicine stop talking when the actor picks them up?

usually when i pick up my med bottles they keep talkin "2 a day? what are you, a pussy! take 6!" "it says don't drink alcohol after taking me...you gonna let them tell you what to do?"

Excerpts from Bash.org

source: Bash.org

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