Home Linx Docs Nino, Bobbi & Dión Birthdays Lost In Translation Admin Valentine
 
Last Facts for Vin Diesel The last Facts for Chuck Norris Red Flags Marokkaanse Sollicitatie Socrates 666: The Number Of The Beast Quotes from the first three seasons of "House M.D." Een nieuw hoofdstuk van het Casema feuilleton "Kom," dacht ik "We nemen weer Casema" Bericht van de helpdesk Helpdesk Rules Beatles Classy Insults 46 Laws of Anime Gay Marriage Top 25 Programmer Explanations Dieting Rules for Women Words of Wisdom Brand Naming Pitfalls What Happens to your body if you stop smoking right now? A word from Australia Pwnd! Things that took me 41 years to learn Think before you speak Cojones Things said in court Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" Words That Changed You Talking about Mensa Shay Vacature Prison Or Work Gender Wars Pilot Checklist Verzekeringscitaten Famous Dog Quotes Daniel writes What Men Really Mean Is...... Handige Weetjes Voor Vrouwen The Guys Rules Sun Tzu - The art of war 20 things that never happen in Star Trek Sex facts The very secret diaries of the Fellowship I like monkeys Bestaat de Kerstman echt? The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord Top 100 Facts for Chuck Norris More Facts for Chuck Norris You know You Grew Up In The 80's If... Top 30 Facts for Vin Diesel Top 30 Facts for Mr. T You Know You're Getting Old When... Just When You Think You Have It Bad, It Gets Worse... Lame Pick Up Lines Replies to pickup lines You Know You're Too Stressed If... Differences Between College And High School Things That Change After College Before Getting Married It's Wonderful To Be A Woman It's Wonderful To Be A Man The Differences Between Men And Women Great Moments in Physics Einstein's Chauffer Astute Visionaries The best from Bash.org The best from Bash.org part II The best from Bash.org part III The best from Bash.org part IV The best from Bash.org part V The best from Bash.org part VI Letter from John Cleese I love my job Why people with a PC and an attitude but no brains should be shot Why to get your act straight before you get mad Why some people should learn to read and process what they just read How stupid can a user be? Miscellaneous Stories

Helpdesk Rules

source: Lots Of Jokes

These are the unwritten rules from the highly over worked, but highly under paid technical support staff at an Internet service provider near you...

  1. DO NOT talk over me. Listen damn it, you can't do what I tell you to do constantly jabbering bullshit over me. I talk... you do. Why did you even ask me a question if you are going to fucking answer it?
  2. DO NOT call me and then put me on hold. You called me, genius. You want my help, stay on the fucking line and listen. We have much better things to do than talk to you anyway.
  3. DO NOT read long error messages to me unless I ask you to. Do you honestly think we get anything out of a 50 digit hex number???
  4. DO NOT start off a call by saying anything in the neighborhood of "Hi, how's it going" or "Busy today?" That just serves to piss us off. Get to the problem so we can get you off the phone. The day was great until I had to start answering your totally moronic questions.
  5. DO NOT get pissed when we tell you that your system is royally fucked. We didn't fuck it up. It wasn't us. We're simply telling it like it is.
  6. DO NOT call about unrelated products. We DO NOT know the intimate details of every piece o' shit shareware program you dredge out of the internet. Nor do we want to. Stop it!
  7. We DO NOT manufacture modems, write e-mail programs or engineer browsers. If something in this arena goes wrong, call the people who made the goddamned thing. YOU DON'T USE THE INTERNET TO FAX!!! Can't stress that one enough.
  8. DO NOT compare us to AOL when something goes wrong with your connection to us. If you had the computer literacy of an 8 year old with a broken Atari 2600 you'd know better. Everyone else connects just fine. It's just you. Keep that in mind. It's just you.
  9. DO NOT call simply for the purpose of giving us your thoughts on the content of our homepage or to request that we send you flyers so you can pass them out at bridge tournaments and bingo night. Not only is this a waste of our time, but it encourages just the type of user tech support reps fear most... the elderly.
  10. DO NOT make us sit there on the phone while you tip toe through setup instructions so easy they were originally tested on lab chimps. We have better things to do than act as zoo keepers.
  11. DO NOT call us and complain about a problem with your system and then say you're not in front of your computer when we try and help you. We aren't technological psychics.
  12. DO NOT call us assuming the problem you're experiencing is our fault. If your computer crashes, performs illegal operations, gives you the blue screen of death, or flips you off and runs away with the fucking toaster to Mexico, you can be damn certain it isn't us who caused it.
  13. DO NOT call us and announce to us that you don't know anything about computers. This really pisses us off. Trust me, we're well aware of that fact. We figured it out the minute you called and announced "Help, the internet is broken!" Something here definitely needs help. People who know computers don't call us.
  14. DO NOT call us and act as if you know all that are computers and that you're doing us a favor by gracing us with your call. This pisses us off more than 13. Chiming in with stupid suggestions and comments only increases the already tremendous temptation we face to use you as an unwitting instrument of destruction and really do some damage to your system. Not that you'd notice.
  15. DO NOT (in addition to 14) say acronyms you don't know the meaning of or even what they are for. Just admit you're completely lost and leave the techno bullshit to us.
  16. DO NOT call in if you can't speak English. This might seem like a small thing to you, but we find it just a tad annoying when we try and assess your problem and we can only understand every fifth word you say. And no, just because those words may be 'computer' or 'broken' doesn't absolve you of the offense.
  17. DO NOT call in hoping to get another tech rep to tell you something different than the first one did. If one of us tells you your system is fucked, it's fucked. The second guy is going to simply look at the log and tell you the same thing, it's fucked. That is of course unless you really piss him off and then he's going to make sure your computer has the functionality of a house plant.
  18. DO NOT be stoned or drunk when you call us. You wouldn't think this would need to actually be said, but believe me it's come up. For god sakes, if you can't control yourself and must call, at least have the common courtesy to offer us some of what you're on.

Friend Sites

Op 21 maart 2009 is mijn boek 'De Paarse Panda' gepubliceerd. In dit boek beschrijf ik hoe het voelt om longkanker te hebben en ongeneeslijk ziek te zijn verklaard. Het boek barst van geluk, positiviteit, liefde, creativiteit, levenslust, verwondering en optimisme maar dat laatste brokkelt heel langzaam af door teleurstellingen en het moeten verleggen van grenzen.