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Sercivedesk 01

At the Internet servicedesk:
"Yes, hello, my internet connection is not functioning."
"What's the error message you get?"
"It says something like missing network adapter."
"Right, go to the 'My Computer' icon on your desktop..."
"Hello?" I asked as I got no feedback from the user indicating that he had found it.
"Yes, hold on," he replied."I'm looking around on my desktop, but I can not find such an icon."
At that time, I usually wait a little more and let the user figure out where the icon is. To my discomfort, I heard the rustling of papers and things being moved around on a desk.
"Sir? May I ask what you are doing?"
"I'm rearranging everything on my desk, but I can not seem to find that icon..."
"Sir, I mean the ON SCREEN icon."
"Ah, I see. Sorry."
"No problem, found the icon?"
"Yes, it's there."
"Now right-click it with your mouse."
"Okay, when I do that, I see the three and a half inch disk (a), the Local Disk (c),..."
"Sir, that's not good. Please close this window."
"How do I do that?"
"Just click on that little X at the top right."
"It's not there."
"It should be."
"No, it isn't. It's a bit near the middle, on the edge of that window."
"That one is also good. Please click that one."
"Left or right?"
"Left or right click?"
"Left click, sir."
"Okay..." -Click- "Uh, oh.."
"What's the matter?"
"It just vanished."
"It is supposed to disappear. Now go to that 'My Computer' icon and right-click it."
"Of course." -Click- "There it is again..."
"There is what again, sir?"
"Well, the three and a half inch disk (a), the Local Disk (c),..."
"You left clicked again on that icon..."
(Indignant:)"I did not..."
One of those days again... I am not going to enter into an argument with this waste of the gene pool, so I adopt my "whatever" attitude.
"Never mind, close that window again."
"Closed, now what?"
"Now click ONCE, with the RIGHT mouse button on the icon."
"I get a list of text."
"I know, it's a menu, now.."
He interrupted me: "So much text, it says;'Open, explore, search,...'"
So I interrupted him back:"I know what it says, sir. Just select the 'Properties' item of the list."
"It's not there."
"It should be at the bottom."
"Ah, it indeed is. You sure are good at what you do."
"Thank you, now go to the Device Manager."
I will not bother you with all the steps it took me to guide him to the Device Manager. Nor will I bother you with the details on how he started reading aloud every single piece of hardware in his PC. To cut a long story short: his network card was not properly installed (yellow exclamation mark).
Things got worse: he was growing impatient (HE was growing impatient, the twit), and started clicking at will on everything he saw. If that was not bad enough, he did it without informing me.
So basically, the conversation took this turn:
"Just a moment, I clicked something."
"I heard that, what did you exactly click?"
"I don't know, it popped up with a question an I just clicked on 'OK'"
"That's not really helping, sir."
"Neither are you, I still have no internet access."
Grrrrrrrrr, getting cocky, are we?
"What is the error message you see now?"
Then he read me an error message from a missing network adapter. And everytime he clicked, the message would come back.
"That's it sir, I have no other option than to start anew."
(Annoyed:)"Well, okay. You're the big expert and all..."
(Ignore mode ON:)"Click on start, then select 'Shut Down'"
"Left or right?"
"Just how many times have you clicked the Start button with your right mouse button?"
"...Well... Never, actually."
"Then don't start now. click on Start, then Shut Down."
"It doesn't work."
"It should, try again."
"I'm telling you it doesn't."
(A feeling of despair started seting in:)"Ok, we have an alternative: push the power button."
"And which one is that?"
No no no, you must be kidding me!
"It's usually one right next to a small green light."
"Ah, ok. I pushed it. Everything went black."
"Now push it back in. The computer should restart."
"It has indeed."
"Now we wait for it to start up."
Three seconds later:
"It's already started up."
Now THAT is one fast pc.
"Ah well, then go to 'My Computer'.."
"The error message is there again."
"Yes, the minute I switched it on, it came on screen."
"Wait a minute sir, I think you switched off the monitor."
"I did not. Besides, I do not know what a monitor is."
"That's that large screen in front of you. Now try to switch off the COMPUTER."
"And which one is that?"
"It's usually either under the screen, or under the table."
"And what does it look like?"
You can't be serious...
"Something like a box with all kinds of cables at the back..."
"Not here..."
"It should be, it also tends to have a slot in the front for a floppy disk and it makes noise because it has a fan in it."
"Still not here."
I had him sit behind his monitor, follow the cables to the tower that actually was under his desk.
Good, now we had that one sorted out.
"Press the power button ON THE TOWER."
"Done. Now what?"
"Press it again."
Three seconds later:
"There's that error message again."
"Not again, it is STILL there, You switched off the monitor again."
"That's what you told me to do."
"No, I told you to switch off the tower."
"That's just what I did, look young man, do not treat me like I am stupid, because I can tell you I am not."
"Sir, please find someone in your surroundings that has basic computer knowledge, because we are not going to make this work together."
"It is indeed. Good day sir."
-Hang up-

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Op 21 maart 2009 is mijn boek 'De Paarse Panda' gepubliceerd. In dit boek beschrijf ik hoe het voelt om longkanker te hebben en ongeneeslijk ziek te zijn verklaard. Het boek barst van geluk, positiviteit, liefde, creativiteit, levenslust, verwondering en optimisme maar dat laatste brokkelt heel langzaam af door teleurstellingen en het moeten verleggen van grenzen.