Things That Change After College

source: Dave's Daily

• 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
• Having sex in a single bed is absurd.
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
• Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.
• You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.
• You know all of the people sleeping in your house.
• You carry an umbrella.
• Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.
• You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a club.
• Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.
• You don’t find a "dump" left in the toilet hysterically funny anymore.
• You don't have mice living in your kitchen.
• Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
• You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
• Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.
• You pay the government thousands of dollars every year.
• You go to the pharmacy for Tylenol and antacids, not Condoms and pregnancy test kits.
• A $5 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
• You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the music.
• You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.
• You can't persuade your roommates to "Drink till dawn."
• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
• You always know where you are when you wake up.
• Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
• You feed your dog Purina instead of McDonald's.
• You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
• You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.